Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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