the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dear god my vagina.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
