I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
