How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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