Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
