call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
