How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
