can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
