how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
