so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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