Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
