I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
