there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
