we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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