my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
