i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize