The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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