man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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