So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
