so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
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I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
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