thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
