I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
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I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Drunk is not a location!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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