as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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