I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
...so i touched it.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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