I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
