if you like me you must not know who I am
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
