by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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