Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
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I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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