I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
