I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
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You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
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