Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
my poor anus
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
