sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
