No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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