she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
