I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Text me some of your sweat
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
