dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
nutella sex= disaster
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
