i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
