That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
