A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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