if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
