My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
