well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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