She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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