I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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