i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
