I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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