i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
