he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
