Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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