You made me cry and you don't even care
My nipple is on Facebook.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
