We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize