Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
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I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
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He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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