I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You're like the curious george of whores
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
