a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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