woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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