need another drink. this is the easiest way
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
