bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
