when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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