Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
